tuesday night, and my freedom.

It's the look in your eyes when you tell me you care. There's a certain twinkle I see. I feel it in your hugs and your warmest kisses. I hear it in your voice. Your actions reminded me who I was to you.

It's gone.

Now who am I to you?

I admit to my flaws, and yes I did wrong. I'm sorry. You have forgiven me.

Have I forgiven you? No. This post is my public announcement. Time does heal all, but there are things I don't forget. I relive the pain almost everyday, but I chose how I want to relive it. Do I cry? Yes. Not as much as I used to. Letting go is hard, especially when you're close to something you want, but things you want aren't always what you need. It took me a while to learn that. I'm still learning.

There are so many things I have wanted in life but do I honestly need it? If I needed it, it would have been provided, but it hasn't.

Let it go, Sharisse.

If I hold onto you, or the past or anything I don't have, how can I look forward, or even be grateful for what my future has in store? My future is so bright, I have no idea what's in store, but I believe that the higher up already has it planned for me. All I need is time.

How do you forgive? Time. Time is an answer for all problems. I can't change anything in the past, I can only change how I view my future.

Your future is based on your past, but you don't need to carry the pain of the past into your future.

Just let it go, Sharisse. Relax, and let it go.



The Element of Freedom.

Dear Chris,

Well, I stumbled across this picture and I wanted to start this off by telling you how good you look, lol. Anyway...

I’ve watched your rise to fame. I remember the first time I heard “Run It!” on the radio. I was working at a day camp sitting in a tent putting together snacks (don’t ask). It usually takes a while for your songs to grow on me but that one was an instant favorite. I asked around and they told me your name was Chris Brown (Plus once the radio gets hold of a good song, they play it like there is no tomorrow). I saw the video a few days later and I thought you were soo cute and you’re a great dancer. Some time later, you dropped your song “Yo!” and you were so adorable in that video. When I got a hold of your album it was all I listened to. I remember having every song on my iPod shuffle and I couldn’t wait for your next album.

“Exclusive,” your sophomore album was great. I loved every song on that album. I think it’s very underrated but that’s another issue. I remember your “Wall to Wall” video and it seemed to me like you were trying to grow out of that cute stage. And your song “With You” had me dying to be in love so I could feel what you were feeling. I used to sing that song at the top of my lungs back in high school, lol. It didn’t hit me until I saw your “Take You Down” video that you were growing up. I loved that album and that video and your transition from boy to man.

Sometime last year, the Rihanna thing happened. It was a shock and I was sad to hear about it because one, I didn’t believe it and two, I remember thinking “uh oh, his career is gonna go down the drain.” I feel like because of the situation, you will constantly be set back because you pretty much have to start from scratch while she’s living off of the success YOU created, but I digress.

You make good music, and you make mistakes. You’re human. But I didn’t write this letter to talk about that. I love everything you put out. Your mixtapes “In the Zone” and “Fan of a Fan” with Tyga are amazing. I love who you are becoming as a person and I hope you can continue to grow. I also hope the world will one day look past your mistakes to allow you to go back to being the star you are.

Sincerely,

A fan that loves your music and is always listening.

hmm.. #imjustsayin

So as I go onto these gossip websites, I can't help but see Lil Kim pick on Nicki Minaj. Now while I'm not as much of a fan of Nicki as I was when I heard her first mixtape, she's still lyrically talented.

Why hasn't someone from Lil Kim's camp told her to sit down? Teaming up with Ray-J and some unknown hater to get at Nicki and Drake? You're making yourself look desperate for attention you don't need. Why is this even fazing you?

#siddown and #shuddup.

I can't wait for that day I can look into someone's eyes with that same admiration.

Thank Me Nowwww (:

Damn, they put everything on the internet. I haven't bumped it yet, but I hope it's nothing but quality. Unforgettable is one of my favorite tracks on here. There's something about that Aaliyah sample that just pulls me in... anyway, here's the track listing followed by the link:

Tracks:

1. Fireworks (Feat. Alicia Keys) 05:13

2. Karaoke 03:48

3. The Resistance 03:45

4. Over 03:53

5. Show Me A Good Time 03:30

6. Up All Night (Feat. Nicki Minaj) 03:54

7. Fancy (Feat. T.I. & Swizz Beatz) 05:19

8. Shut it Down (Feat. the-Dream) 06:59

.9 Unforgettable (Feat. Young Jeezy) 03:33

10. Light Up (Feat. Jay-Z) 04:34

11. Miss Me (Feat. Lil Wayne) 05:05

12. Cece's Interlude 02:34

13. Find Your Love 03:29

14. Thank Me Now 05:28

Download link:

http://www.mediafire.com/?mrvy34lz5wt

I did it again.

I allowed myself to believe, now I'm picking up the pieces.

may first.

memo to self:

put Sharisse first.

If I don't do it, NOBODY else will.

straight from my diary.

I actually wrote this next post in my diary when I decided I should post it on here:

I just wanted to remind myself that I am beautiful, educated, and going places. In order for me to do that, I can no longer carry the world on my shoulders. I need to leave people's stress with them. I can no longer double my load, I don't have the strength. I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted.

While I do love you all and wish I could cater to everyone, I can't. I have to cater to me. If not, I'll be broken forever, and you don't want that right? I have to life my own life with my own problems. I can't live yours and your problem. I can't do things for you, I have to do it because it makes ME happy. And I think that's where I went wrong; I have to live for Sharisse.

Because if I don't live for Sharisse, I'll die. And I believe I'm too great of a person to allow that to happen.

It's amazing. When you feel lonely, you go anywhere for fulfillment even if you're aware you can get hurt. Countless times I have moved backwards in search for a love I wasn't ready for with someone who didn't deserve me. I have cried and complained of unhappiness, but instead of waiting for a love that's mine, I settled. And when you settle, you get the worst treatment possible.

While I'm no stranger to a broken heart, I too have left a trail of broken hearts. I'm forever sorry for those I've hurt, but I was immature and didn't know how to express this. I swear I'm still being hit by karma for what I've done.

I met a nice guy last year and I was scared. Why? Because past experiences have taught me that it won't work out, but he gives me hope. Even though he's going through some stuff, I'll fight with him because I know he would fight with me. And it doesn't help that just the thought of him alone makes me smile.

I guess what i'm saying is for as many times as I said I've wanted to give up, he gives me reason not to. Even if this goes nowhere, I'm still grateful for the opportunity to have met him and to know that not every dude is an asshole.

March.

I was originally gonna keep this post short but I decided to wrap up the highlights of March on this Sunday night.

I can't complain, March has been a good month for me.

Saturday, I hung out with a great friend of mine from high school. We went out to eat, went bowling, got some sneakers, and cracked some jokes. It was a great day.

Friday, I hung out with a sweetheart, and I realized, I'm scared of love and what it can do to me. I'm sorry, but you have been cooperative and I'm beyond thankful.

On Tuesday, I'm going to see Trey Songz. I can't even begin to describe how I feel about that. I know I can't wait though, loll.

And as far as education goes, I'm passing all my classes. I'm doing a lot better than my first year of college. I'm getting B's but I need to apply myself more so I can bring home straight A's.

And guess what school I'm going to in the fall?

Things can only go up from here, and after this proof, I will never look down again. Love and success are in my future and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me.

karma.

After talking to my best friend, it all makes sense. It makes perfect sense.

I never asked you for anything but honesty. I kept it 100% with you, why couldn't you do the same? You complained that you weren't treated right, and how bad things were, but if it was such a problem, why did you go back? You had a choice. You chose the pain, but why you made me hurt too is beyond me.

Speaking to my best friend, I realized I was still upset, and I was on the verge of tears but I won't cry because of this again. Why should I? From the day you hit me up, I had signs and I ignored all of them. You left me in my dreams and you left me in real life. Coincidence? I think not.

I remember when I first met you, I told you I was talking to someone else. You didn't have a problem with it. And I started pushing him to the side and treating him the way you're treating me now. A prime example of karma. I shouldn't have hid it from him that I was talking to you. But here's a difference between me and you: it took me some time to tell him, but I told him. You're still hiding it from me. And you pride yourself on being a gentleman? Pack it up, son.

"I think they call this, umm, venting."

I wonder...

Will love and life turn out the way we want it? My friend says yes. But then I wonder, what risks do we have to take? Everyday, we do something that effects our life and our chance to love. Something as simple as not taking an extra ten minutes to study for a quiz or taking an extra five minutes to tell someone how you truly feel about them.

What happens if you're truly passionate for something, and it doesn't work out when you want it to? Do you give up? Do you continue to fight? It depends on you and your willpower.

"What's the point of quitting, so you can do something you don't wanna do?"

But who's to say when you go through the struggle, you'll enjoy the rewards?

In my life as far as relationships go, I honestly received nothing from them. But the struggles that I have endured on those long journeys have given me strength and a low tolerance for nonsense. Those same struggles also make fighting for everything worth it in the end. Just like there's a light at the end of every tunnel, there's happiness at the end of every journey. I guess you have to continue to fight.

back to reality.

It would be stupid of me to live in a fantasy world thinking we're gonna be together in the future because you don't believe it anymore than I do. I refuse to open my heart up AGAIN only to end up looking stupid. If you want me come and get me. I'm not chasing you or any fantasy of us.

Yes, I have done my share of shit to hurt you because I wasn't up front with you about stuff and I'm sorry. But my female intuition often kicks in late at night so I am often forced into reality. I never listened to it before but my heart is wide open to it now.

I know life and love are all about taking risks, but why take them when your heart says not to?

I find so much comfort in your words. I think it would be foolish of me to believe all of them so I choose not to. I keep your thoughts in my heart and I often dig deep for them to keep my hopes alive when I feel I can't make it through my days.

If you feel that funny feeling in your heart, that means I'm talking to you.

Thank you.

Oh, Tremaine.

People might look at me funny for this, but fuck it.

Something about the way your voice eases over an instrumental amazes me every time. Whenever you sing, I have to stop whatever I'm doing because all I hear is your voice. You sing with so much passion and it feels real. I feel your words and I can easily put myself in your situation when your voice comes through my headphones. You put your all into your music and I honestly appreciate it.

I often keep your music in rotation because it all has such amazing quality. From your freestyles, to your mixtapes, to your actual album songs. Never once have you disappointed me. You have so much talent and I'm glad I'm able to watch you grow with every piece of work you put out.

Throw in your charm, that southern accent, that beautiful smile and I think I'm in love. Never once have you ever come off cocky, only confident. Then there's that smile and you throw in that occasional, "baby." How could a girl not be intrigued by you?

Sex Fo' Yo Stereo. Amazing song. I sing along everytime. I'm beyond excited to see you in March. I'll be amongst the thousands of girls screaming for you, but I'll pretend you're only singing to me. :)

valentine.

All day people have been saying "ladies if you're single that means you're not doing something right." I highly disagree and I don't think it's fair.

Why must we all be generalized for a few silly girls? What about all the good girls who end up with the bad guys? What if they started off one way and end up another? I know females aren't the only ones who have dealt with it. Men who are single today and aren't celebrating obviously aren't doing something right either.

Yes, I have dated assholes by choice. Why? Self esteem issues. But now knowing what I'm worth and what I deserve, I have no one. Is that my fault? I want something serious with someone I know I can grow with, not just anyone. Now I can't find anyone. Is that my fault?

Sigh, I wish I lived alone. I'd have slow songs on repeat until my tear ducts were empty and heart was content.

Oh, Happy Valentines Day.

I stood in front of you, your hands around my waist, my hands in your soft curly hair. I loved to play in it. My hands fell to your shoulders and then they traced your muscles. I pulled your sleeve up to admire the tattoo. Simple but cute. My hands continued to trace your arms and I found my hands in yours. I stared into your eyes for a few seconds, but I broke the embrace because I knew that I couldn't be here. I had to let you go.

The night before I woke up, and checked my phone. 4:22 AM. I sighed and I turned on my right side, staring at the wall. It was pitch black in my room, but I saw your face. My mind played a movie of the last time we were together. I saw us walking, laughing, talking. I saw us stop and I saw us looking into each others eyes. I don't know what you were looking for, but I was trying to see into your heart to see if I saw happiness. I saw happiness, but it wasn't for me.

I turned and I was now laying on my back. I took a deep breath.

Fighting for a love that wasn't mine, I cried silently until my eyes were too heavy to stay open.

reflection.

It's a monday night, I'm sitting here thinking of where I've gone in life. I do have a lot to be thankful for, but I've realized that I am lazy and I am not working at my full potential. I am beyond embarrassed, especially because I'm not where I should be.

It's my second year at BMCC, hopefully my last. I shouldn't have been attending this school for the fall semester, but here I am in the spring semester of 2010. In the Spring semester of 2009, I got lazy and thought I could pass classes without putting forth an effort. Boy, was I wrong. I even blamed my relationship for the reason I had gotten so lazy when in real life, it was no one's fault but my own. I had the option to say no, and put all my focus on school. Instead I made excuses, brought home a B+, a C- and a D+ and I failed my math remedial class.

Sharisse, WHAT THE FUCK WAS ON YOUR MIND?

Smh, after removing myself from that situation with my ex boyfriend, I decided for the fall semester that I'd pack it up, and do better for myself. This semester I brought my GPA up from a 2.31 to a 2.62 receiving all B+'s and passing my math remedial course. I should have gotten A's but I got lazy at the last minute, and I let myself to slip up.

This semester, I'm not feeling anything as far as classes go and I want to drop statistics but I'm gonna give it another shot. I don't wanna give up, but I do wanna put my all into these classes. I'm trying to move up in life and prove to myself that I AM capable of doing ANY and EVERYthing I put my mind to.

I do plan on doing a recap in three months to see how far I've come. I need to do more.

This semester, I had a job move, and I decided to stop hiding my face with my bangs. That brought my confidence up, a little bit. I've learned that people will talk no matter what so don't cater to them, cater to you.

Dear "Love,"

It's me again ^_^.

I saw you (well I think I saw you today). I felt your presence amongst the couple next to me on the train. They were interracial; she was Hispanic and he was African-American. It was so cute, they couldn't get enough of each other! They would occasionally kiss and look into each others eyes. She would lay her head on his chest and he'd stroke her hair but that wouldn't last too long because they were back to gazing and kissing lol.

You were heavily displayed when I looked up on the train. I noticed another couple. She was putting on lip gloss and even though I didn't see it happen, I heard her complain that he kissed it all off. It made me smile as she reapplied and tried to convince him to wear some. He couldn't stop laughing while telling her no.

Even when I checked Kanye's blog, I saw your presence in the face of Kanye and Amber Rose. There was a picture of them smiling for whatever reasons and they looked soo happy. Love, you have helped this couple to blossom into something so amazing. There have been numerous things written about her and I even bashed them too as a couple, but they still stand strong. They have so many reasons to stand out, and I love it.

I think that was you who called me tonight too. I saw your familiar name on my ID and I couldn't help but to smile before I answered the phone. I'm still smiling now thinking of the small talk we just had. You're so amazing to me, and I've been seeing myself with you for a long time.

You are closer than you think love, it's only a matter of timing.

it's amazing, so amazing.

Dear "Friend,"

This is a short post, but I'll get to the point:

Ever since I met you, it felt like there was a silent competition between us. You always had to outshine me, why? I don't think I'm better than you, or anyone else for that matter. Why do yo always remind me of the things I don't have then tell me to b grateful?

I remember that valentines day when I got all these gifts from this guy, I remember your words exactly: "aww that's nice, I gotta go to the library and get the stuff everybody else got for me." What I wanna know is why? Why couldn't you let me have my shine?

Another example: last night my brother made a comment about your purchases and the first thing you did was remind me that your stuff is better than mine. Why?

Why do you always make me feel like my stuff isn't good enough? Like no one is as good as you because you have a boyfriend, a Mac life, and you go away for school. I may not have all that stuff now, but I'm content not having it until I talk to you.

I remember that everything has a time and place in my life, and I honestly believe I'm doing better than you. But as soon as I make an accomplishment or make a step forward, it's wrong.

Guess I have some more weeding to do.

who am i?

So tonight, I'm extra bored and I was trying to find out what makes Sharisse, Sharisse. This is what I have so far:

• I'm an anti-social Liberal Arts major at BMCC.
• Being around large groups of people make me nervous lol.
• I'm a Kid Cudi, Fabolous, Trey Songz addict. (not necessarily in that order either ;] )
• Jay-Z is the coolest old man in the world in my opinion (he still spits fire)
• I want my closet complex like the magazine (Kid Cudi voice)
• I use my bangs to cover my face even though I should be more confident and show it off.
• My best friend gets on my nerve a lot.
• I'm very impatient.
• I just wanna be held at night.
• I have a crush on someone that I'll never have.
• I don't think I've ever been in love. I mean, I've had strong feelings before, but love? Nah.
• I don't think I'll have a successful relationship or be in love anytime soon.
• My dream job would consist of me taking pictures of beautiful places and then writing about the experience.
• I tell people I wanna major in English but I have more of a passion for photography.
• I love to swim because there is nothing like feeling the water all around you, through your hair, finger tips, between your toes.
• Speaking of that, I like the beach too. I wanna walk on the beach at night time while holding my boyfriends [sighs] hand talking about life, feeling the sand between our toes while the water hits the shore in the background.
• I want to learn how to paint so I can express my thoughts if words aren't enough.
• I'm a summer baby ^_^
• My room is cluttered and it fucks with me.
• Sometimes I wish I didn't need to wear glasses even though I love my glasses.
• Miami when I'm 25? Possibly.
• Water soothes me.
• My Blackberry is soo annoying. Stupid blinking red light.
• I listen to R&B when I want to understand what love is.
• There's nothing sexier than a man who makes eye contact, oh wait, yes there is. A sexy man that sings AND makes eye contact :)
• People who brag have no class.
• Every guy who ever left me always comes back and they give me this foolishness about how they made a mistake. In 2008, I would have accepted that crap. In 2010, I will not.
• You will need me before I need you, I promise.
• Those last two statements sounded real cocky, and in all honesty, I'm far from cocky.
• I'm shy, awkward, and extra quiet around a guy that I like. (*hint hint*)
• If I ever fronted on you, I don't want you.

Umm, that was fun. I wonder who's actually gonna read this :)

Dear Life,

You have a funny way of treating people. From birth, you gave my friend hassles. His family wasn't too stable, and he faced way more than ANYONE should have to deal with.

My question is to you, why can't he get a break?

He tries to do the right thing all the time, and it seems like it blows up in his face. I even became a burden to him and I often apologize to him but he has no idea how soo sorry I am. I wanted to write this to show him that I do think about him. I do wonder how things would be. I wonder how happy we could be.

When will you give him a break life?

All he wants is his happiness...

Dear Love,

Today, someone that I used to talk asked me if I see myself with him in a few years. I responded with yes, then it turned to a maybe, then it turned to an I don't know. He's an amazing guy and I'd be very lucky to have him, but I quickly thought of you. I tried to simply remove the idea from my mind but I couldn't.

I laid down and closed my eyes just for a moment when I heard a knock at the door. I remember you walking in, and I remember you laying next to me. I remember how you held my face as you kissed me gently. I remember you pulling back.

That dream was an out of body experience, but it opened my eyes. Are were supposed to be more than friends?

I often think about you, I think about us. And I wonder, could this be the reason none of my previous relationships have never worked out? I have a bond with you that I have never experienced with any other guy. These feelings take over me and I've tried to control it but I can't...

Happy Birthday Aaliyah.

Dear Aaliyah,

Today, I woke up and I checked my Twitter and on my timeline my friend said "Happy Birthday Aaliyah." I had no idea it was your birthday but I'm going to acknowledge it.

Like others, I often look at Beyonce's quick rise to fame and I think of you. I always say if you were still here, Beyonce wouldn't be where she is. She'd probably be picking out your wardrobe, lol. You were well on your way to the top when your time was cut short, leaving a void open in music that NO ONE can fill. I don't listen to your music all the time, but when I do, it makes me believe. Not too many artists have voices that are so amazing that it gets under your skin and you feel it all over. Your voice was what I imagined an angel will sound like and I guess that's why God called you back. I'm sad, and it almost made me cry this morning, but I'm happy to know you're in a better place.

Like many girls who grew up in the 90's, I remember you for dressing like a tomboy and you always had your hair cover your eye. When I was younger, I thought you had a problem with your eyes and that's why you covered it all the time, but as I got older, that was what made you Aaliyah. The baggy jeans, the eyes covered, but the voice of an angel. I always thought you were a beautiful woman because you remained true to you. You didn't have to be half dressed to get status, you didn't have to put out a sex tape and you actually had talent. That's rare nowadays.

Thank you for not falling into anyone's mold of what music should sound like. I appreciate it. Along with Kid Cudi, you remind me that I don't have to do what everyone else is doing to be amazing. Being me is enough, and that's what I'm gonna continue to do. Rest in peace baby girl.

Keep singing in heaven, I'll always try my hardest to listen.

From a fan who loves and misses you <3 :)

hate.

We've all done it. Don't try to act like you haven't, because you know you have whether you did it unconsciously or if it's on your to do list for the day. I often wondered why, but I've came up with several reasons:

Jealousy: You hate because you're jealous. You have to find flaws with someone or something that they own because you don't have it, or you CAN't have it. Perfect example of this: My friend has the black iPhone 3GS and she happens to brag about it whenever she can (smh, anyway). So we were on the train and this girl gets on and she too had the iPhone 3Gs but hers was white. I remember thinking oh that iPhone looks tough. First thing out my friends mouth, "oh she needs to put a case on that cuz if it falls she gonna be mad. and if somebody wanna steal it al they gotta do is snatch it out her hand." I was like "oh." I felt the hate when those words left her mouth and it upset me because I should have said something.

Not satisfied: People hate and find ways to sabotage others happiness in order to create an illusion in their head that their life is better. I knew a girl like that. She was so jealous of me and what I had that she often tried to make me look like someone I wasn't.

If there's anything I learned from the recent events in Haiti, be thankful for what you have because in a heartbeat, you can lose everything.

untitled.

On January 12, 2010, I came home, greeted whoever was in the house before entering my room. I put my stuff down, turned on the television as I sat on the bed and turned on my laptop to get connected to the world. I remember flipping through channels when I placed my laptop on my lap when my mother came in and told me "There was an earthquake in Haiti, 7.0 magnitude." I remember feeling instant sympathy and letting out a sigh as I continued to go about my daily routine. Selfish of me, right?

I almost forgot what took place in that small country in the Caribbean, but it was something that just couldn't simply be ignored. This issue couldn't just go away. These people live in a poor country with no immediate resources and at this time, they are looking to the world for help. Their faces are distraught and they cover every newspaper. How can you just choose to ignore their issues?

If there's one thing I've learned from this natural disaster it is that God has blessed me, and you reading this blog. We were allowed to live to see another day with all of the things we have been given in life. It is time to stop focusing on what we DON'T have, and focus on what we DO have. God gives us what we want, when we need it. Take a moment out to pray for the victims and pray for the survivors in Haiti. Then pray for yourself. You have a LOT to be thankful for. I know I do.

earlymorningthinkingaboutloveandlifetypeshit.

So as I'm going through my collection of photos of Kid Cudi while listening to his inspiring music, I just started thinking about love and it's effect on my life wait not even my life, on people in general.

I might be a little late, but I'm reflecting:

2009 was a rough year for many of the people I love as far as relationships, even myself! I was in a relationship that I never should have been in, but I forced myself to be there. BIIIGG mistake. I'm still paying for this mentally. It taught me a lesson: don't settle, and don't do anything that you don't wanna do. Live to make yourself happy. Be in a relationship that's beneficial to you and your partner. My ex boyfriend was a real asshole, but I stayed so long because I thought I was wrong for leaving him. Being happy is learning to look past imperfections, right? But how many times would I allow him to fuck up and it would be at MY expense? Nah, homie. You can go find some other girl and make her happy, because I couldn't allow myself to deal with it anymore.

I was so happy when I got out of that situation, especially knowing I shouldn't have been there in the first place. It even bothered me knowing that I was cheated on the whole time, but I'm over it, "on to the next one". But surely again, I didn't wanna be alone so I was out looking for the next best thing when in fact I should have sat my ass down and just reflected. I should have taken the time that God has given me to work on myself to make me an even better person. I met an amazing guy, but he wasn't for me and I'm sorry for putting him through the ordeal that I did. He found it in his heart to forgive me and we remained friends.

Someone from my past came back and it made my "Sharisse" time even more difficult. But he was always and still is a sweetheart. We recapped what happened during the time we weren't together or hadn't spoken. But he decided with what's about to happen in his life, it's best we don't pursue a relationship. I was pissed but hey, you can't be with everyone that you meet.

A close friend of mine was in a healthy relationship and 2009 would have made a third year, but there was some miscommunication, and things ended horribly. She took the break up hard but with the strength she has and the love from friends, she has gotten over what had happened to her, or did she? Since the break up, my friend has been looking to fill the void that her boyfriend left in her life. She was itching to jump back in a relationship, even when there were signs pointing she shouldn't have been there. God was lucky enough to save her from what would have been an emotional disaster and I should remember to thank him for that blessing that many women don't get.

Another friend of mine got in a relationship with someone who had a bad reputation. She gave him hassles for everything he wanted to do that didn't involve her. He often told me how he was tired of her, and I swear I heard myself when he was talking. How can you honestly say you're tired of her but continue to put up with her nonsense? I used to say I was tired of my ex but I put up with his shit for 4 more months before I decided to quit. If he was truly as tired of it as he said he was, he would have removed himself from the situation.

I wonder why do we as people deal with shit that we shouldn't deal with? Why do people think we can change someone's bad habits? No one will make a change in their life unless THEY want to. You have to be the reason to wanna change your current situation, or how you go about things. Don't try to leave it up to someone else and when it goes wrong you're mad. It doesn't work like that. Be the change you wanna be.

I think I just went all over the place with this. Now back to my Kid Cudi stalker life ^_^.

moon man.

"I'm something different; all aspects"

I OVER love Kid Cudi. I'm trying to write about how he inspired me but I'm bumping his "A Kid Named Cudi" mixtape while singing at the top of my lungs loll.

Well anyway, Kid Cudi inspired me sooooooooooo much. I love him because he stayed true to himself when it came to making his music. Never once did he try to fall into the same category as most of these artists. He never tried to be like anyone else when it came to this music shit and that really makes me realize that I never have to do what everyone else is doing just to be accepted. Being me is just fine. Besides Kid Cudi makes some great music. I will argue if you beg to differ.

I would like to meet Kid Cudi and have a conversation with him to get to know him and if he wants to take me out I wouldn't mind, I'm sure it would be a day to remember :)

like paradise...

As I'm laying here listening to Sade, I can't help but to be relaxed and feel mellowed out. Her voice along with the instruments played from the band are exactly what I need on this Sunday afternoon. I wish I could express my soul musically the way they do, but my words are my way out.

I have a lot to be thankful for and I realized I should be focused on what I DO have instead of what I don't. I don't have certain things for certain reasons. God places everything into my life that I'll need when I need it. Of course I'll have mishaps and I'll have amazing times, but they're there to keep my life balanced. Can't have the joy without the pain. I have a lot of personal issues that I realized I can't handle on my own so I ask God for help whenever I can. He's gonna help me win this battle because no one else can :)

Even though I may not have everything I want, I have a LOT to be grateful for. I have both of my parents and they're still married. My older brother is always there for me and I love him for that. I have a room to myself filled with luxuries from a computer to a television to an air conditioner. I have a job that doesn't require me to do much and I have wonderful people around me working there. After some weeding I've done, I realized I have amazing friends and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Not everyone we grow with are supposed to stay in our lives. I recently had to let go of a female that I've known since 7th grade because she wasn't satisfied with her life and she kept trying to ruin everyone else's. It hurt at first because we were so close, but I had to let go, if not I'd forever be held back. I love her family and I will still acknowledge them when I see them but I cannot continue that friendship.

Life is all about growing and I still have a lot of growing to do. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me. Things can only look up from here. As for right now, I'm gonna tune the world out, and turn Sade up as I take a nap that I truly need.