straight from my diary.

I actually wrote this next post in my diary when I decided I should post it on here:

I just wanted to remind myself that I am beautiful, educated, and going places. In order for me to do that, I can no longer carry the world on my shoulders. I need to leave people's stress with them. I can no longer double my load, I don't have the strength. I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted.

While I do love you all and wish I could cater to everyone, I can't. I have to cater to me. If not, I'll be broken forever, and you don't want that right? I have to life my own life with my own problems. I can't live yours and your problem. I can't do things for you, I have to do it because it makes ME happy. And I think that's where I went wrong; I have to live for Sharisse.

Because if I don't live for Sharisse, I'll die. And I believe I'm too great of a person to allow that to happen.

It's amazing. When you feel lonely, you go anywhere for fulfillment even if you're aware you can get hurt. Countless times I have moved backwards in search for a love I wasn't ready for with someone who didn't deserve me. I have cried and complained of unhappiness, but instead of waiting for a love that's mine, I settled. And when you settle, you get the worst treatment possible.

While I'm no stranger to a broken heart, I too have left a trail of broken hearts. I'm forever sorry for those I've hurt, but I was immature and didn't know how to express this. I swear I'm still being hit by karma for what I've done.

I met a nice guy last year and I was scared. Why? Because past experiences have taught me that it won't work out, but he gives me hope. Even though he's going through some stuff, I'll fight with him because I know he would fight with me. And it doesn't help that just the thought of him alone makes me smile.

I guess what i'm saying is for as many times as I said I've wanted to give up, he gives me reason not to. Even if this goes nowhere, I'm still grateful for the opportunity to have met him and to know that not every dude is an asshole.