invisible suit.

I haven't written in my actual diary in a long time. There's nothing like pen hitting paper and writing down your most inner thoughts.

Anyway, today was okay. I relived the 10th grade unfortunately. I felt ugly, invisible, and all I honestly wanted to do was go home and cry. But instead, I put on my game face and just pretended nothing bothered me.

I tried explaining to my, um, friend that I have spent most of my high school years in her shadow. She in turn explained to me that my problems didn't matter because she dealt with way much more than I ever have. Cool, I respect that you made it through your struggle. But just because you made it through your struggle, it doesn't mean that it'll be THAT easy to get through mine. Most (if not then all) of my insecurity issues have stemmed from you. You always had to prove you were one step ahead of everyone, even me. Why? Why was life always a competition for you? No one is racing, I definitely wasn't.

I shouldn't blame you for my problems. I could have easily gotten rid of the dead weight, but I kept it. And every time my heart aches, I pull this dead weight even more.

But I do thank you, because you taught me to pray. Pray to God and ask him for strength that no one else can give me. Pray to God and ask him to be strong whenever I felt weak. This way the next time I'm around you, I don't feel like dirt.